In daily life, when we encounter emotional troubles or face difficulties in relationships, we can try to use the Five-Step Reframing Method.
Step 1: Describe the current dilemma.
For example: “I cannot communicate well with my boyfriend/girlfriend.”
Step 2: Rewrite the narrative.
For instance: “So far, I have not been able to coexist harmoniously with him/her.”
Step 3: Explore the cause and effect.
Such as: “Because I did not know how to empathize in the past, I still cannot get along well with him/her now.”
Step 4: Make a hypothesis.
For example: “Once I learn to empathize, I will be able to coexist harmoniously with him/her.”
Step 5: Look to the future.
This means: “If I want to learn to empathize, I need to consider issues more from the other person’s perspective, control my emotions, patiently listen to their thoughts, and so on.”
This is a simple application of NLP therapy in life.
What is NLP Therapy?
NLP is regarded as an advanced technology for rapid behavioral change in the 21st century.
Its origins can be traced back to the 1970s in the United States, founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder.
Richard Bandler is on the right, and John Grinder is on the left.
They conducted a comprehensive and in-depth analysis and integration of the language and strategies used by four renowned masters in communication and psychotherapy at that time (the communication giant Gregory Bateson, the leader in hypnotherapy Milton Erickson, the authority in family therapy Virginia Satir, and the founder of Gestalt therapy Fritz Perls) to successfully construct a methodology capable of transforming human behavior and communication patterns.
This is why NLP integrates the essence of knowledge from various disciplines such as traditional neurology, physiology, psychology, linguistics, and brain control science, and it also organically integrates Gestalt therapy, hypnotherapy, and family therapy.
In simple terms, it is the “Frankenstein” of psychotherapy.
In practical application, it fully absorbs the theoretical essence of the unconscious from psychodynamic analysis and creatively opens up effective ways to communicate with the unconscious.
It also inherits the core theory from cognitive behavioral therapy that beliefs guide behavior, consistently advocating for optimizing performance by transforming belief systems.
The three letters in NLP represent Neuro (nervous), Linguistic (language), and Programming (programming).
Neuro refers to the nervous system, which can fully mobilize various human senses to establish a close connection with the external world;
Language is an important tool for our interaction with others,
which not only carries the transmission of information but also contains our unique values, belief systems, and other deep meanings;
Programming is likened to a computer system, clearly demonstrating the habitual patterns formed by individuals in behavior and cognition.
This innovative method has undergone years of rigorous clinical practice verification, showing significant effectiveness in promoting positive behavioral changes in humans, and has continued to receive further optimization and expansion over the following decades.
Traditional psychotherapy models often focus on in-depth exploration of individual psychological issues, thus requiring relatively long treatment cycles.
In stark contrast, NLP, as a theoretical system that can rapidly promote behavioral change, highly focuses on the subjectivity, operability, and virtuality of people’s experiences.
It uses various forms such as hypnosis, relaxation, and imitation to immerse clients in a comfortable and tranquil environment,
thereby guiding them to sincerely and inclusively listen to the voices deep within themselves, facilitating effective communication between consciousness and the unconscious,
and assisting them in choosing more effective ways to cope with various external challenges, thus successfully reversing past negative behavior patterns.
Researchers have found that group therapy for specific symptoms typically requires 9 – 12 weeks, totaling 18 – 24 sessions,
however, with the help of NLP therapy, the counseling duration can be significantly shortened to 6 – 8 weeks, achieving the desired therapeutic effect in just 12 – 16 sessions.
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) has a series of basic principles:
NLP theory suggests that deep within each of us exists a series of views and reaction processes regarding people, events, and things in the world, which we name mental models.
This model encompasses our self-awareness, values, beliefs, rules, personality, and experiences.
We base our behavioral expressions on this model, and this model originates from individual past experiences.
Some patterns are beneficial for life, while others can make life more difficult.
For example, catastrophic thinking and learned helplessness, etc.
This is often driven by the subconscious protective mechanism, aimed at allowing individuals to self-protect when facing negative events similar to those they have experienced in the past.
However, the excessive negative emotions triggered by this mechanism can prevent individuals from living normally.
NLP firmly believes that every experience contains positive value and meaning, enabling individuals to grow better.
Thus, NLP therapy aims to identify the programs storing negative emotions and use the same logic to resolve such emotions,
achieving the separation of positive value from negative emotions, retaining positive value, eliminating negative emotions, and allowing individuals to grow better.
In simple terms, NLP views the brain as a computer, capable of continuously adjusting and improving our thoughts, attitudes, feelings, emotions, personality, and behavior patterns,
to recombine the information in the brain’s nervous system, thus changing a person’s behavior and achieving our preset goals.
NLP draws from the theories of the unconscious in psychoanalysis, believing that the unconscious contains rich psychological energy, significantly influencing a person’s external behavior or speech without their awareness.
However, unlike Freud’s view that the unconscious mainly consists of repressed impulses and instincts,
NLP believes that the unconscious is always striving to make a person better; it has no motive to harm individuals, and always operates under the mechanism of “automatically selecting the best“; sometimes, the chosen method may not effectively meet good intentions.
Traditional psychoanalysis often uses free association, dream interpretation, and other methods to analyze individuals’ unconscious, focusing on the interpretation of psychosexual events in their early development, thus requiring longer treatment times.
In contrast, NLP directly communicates with the unconscious in practice, where the therapist adjusts the individual’s state through hypnosis, guided deep breathing, etc., to place them in a relaxed, comfortable, and peaceful context.
At this time, the individual’s psychological defenses usually lower, and then they are guided to genuinely and acceptingly listen to their inner voice, feel their true emotions, and promote the connection between consciousness and the unconscious.
Through communication with the unconscious, it emphasizes that to achieve a certain positive motive, one can choose a more effective way to act and request the unconscious’s consent and support, thus changing past negative habitual patterns.
In an individual’s growth journey, through interaction and communication with others, they gradually achieve socialization and construct their self-worth.
Self-worth includes a person’s self-confidence, self-love, and self-respect.
It determines the achievements one can attain in life, and the lack of self-worth is the fundamental source of various psychological issues.
The three elements of self-worth are interdependent and mutually causal.
Self-confidence is a person’s affirmation and trust in their abilities, providing a positive force for individuals and becoming a driving factor for behavior.
Based on self-confidence, an individual will care for themselves and develop self-love.
Only by sufficiently loving oneself can individuals accept and respect themselves, thus forming self-respect.
People lacking self-love will not care about how to respect themselves, nor will they care about others’ respect for them.
A person with self-confidence, self-love, and self-respect can face life calmly, accept themselves, believe they have the courage to face challenges, and genuinely rejoice in their successes, achieving a harmonious unity of knowledge, emotion, and will.
At the same time, they can bravely confront life’s difficulties, accept their shortcomings, and allow themselves to achieve better growth on the premise of self-acceptance.
On the contrary, those who fail to build sufficient self-worth often distance themselves from their true selves, deny or hide their true sides, and seek compensation in other ways.
For example, greed, selfishness, gossiping, temper outbursts, and mere talk without action are all manifestations of insufficient self-worth.
NLP firmly believes that everyone possesses all the abilities needed to steer their lives towards success and happiness; however, these abilities may have been limited during their growth.
Therefore, the focus of psychological counseling is to assist individuals in recognizing, accepting, and appreciating themselves, cultivating good self-confidence, self-love, and self-respect, overcoming obstacles, unlocking potential, and ultimately achieving the goals of a successful and happy life.
Similar to cognitive behavioral therapy, NLP believes that emotions are neither uncontrollable nor directly determined by external factors; their true root lies in a person’s belief system.
Emotions have never been the core of the problem, nor are they what we need to deal with directly; they have no good or bad distinction and are worthy of trust.
They merely inform us:some situations in life need to be addressed.
NLP believes that everything that happens in life provides us with opportunities to learn how to make life better.
Therefore, we can reflect on what beliefs trigger this emotion through this “signal” of emotion, what positive value we can gain from this event, and continuously optimize our belief system.
Thus, each emotion either points us in a direction or empowers us.
Moreover, traditional psychological counseling often requires a long treatment duration, ranging from weeks to years, and the effects are difficult to consolidate; this not only affects the client’s confidence but also leads therapists to focus on analyzing clients’ past experiences.
However, the NLP brief therapy developed based on NLP theory does not delve into clients’ pasts,
but rather believes the future is more critical, focusing more on how to leverage the abilities clients already possess to solve problems in a simple, quick, and effortless way.
After the session, clients can repeatedly apply certain techniques to consolidate therapeutic effects.
In summary, NLP can induce significant changes in people in a very short time:
On a spiritual level, it helps us understand the meaning of life, learn about our relationships with all people and things, and positively influence the entire world;
On a mindset level, it fills our hearts with strength, confidence, and tranquility, dispelling restlessness and giving others more space;
In terms of behavioral performance, it enables us to have three or more choices at any moment and in any situation, making our choices more flexible and resilient.
As a method of psychological therapy and counseling, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) has its specific processing steps:
Like other therapies, the first step in addressing problems is to build a connection with clients through acceptance and empathy.
Understanding the impact of the reasons behind the problems is significant for individuals, thus whatever emotions clients present are reasonable.
NLP therapists do not deny or criticize these emotions; on the contrary, they prioritize addressing these emotions before tackling the problems.
Once emotions have calmed and a relationship has been established, NLP therapists do not spend a lot of time discussing clients’ past experiences,but rather concentrate on how to resolve the current issues.
This means using conversation to identify the main factors affecting their emotions and the actual conditions,
as well as what core content they are most concerned about and need to resolve in related events, then gradually guiding them to the problem-solving process.
This step is key to problem-solving, focusing on the theme of “how to solve the problem” during discussions.
During the communication process, it is essential to pay attention to what clients have absorbed in terms of content and reasoning.
NLP believes that effectiveness is more important than reasoning; NLP therapists place great emphasis on effective communication with clients.
After the communication ends, three or more solutions to the problem will be proposed, and clients will find the optimal solution to execute.
It is particularly important to note that regardless of the situation, the person making the choice can only be the client themselves; NLP therapists will not make decisions for the clients.
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