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Author | Huang Xi | Source | NLP Research Institute (ID: nlpcn1997)
The psychological writer Mr. Huang Qituan said: “Everyone has their preferred communication style.”
Moreover, each person’s way of experiencing and understanding the world is different. Only by being “in sync” with others can we better and more quickly bridge the distance between us.
The key to achieving this goal lies in deeply understanding how people receive external information, which is what we will discuss next: the “representational system.”
What is the “Representational System”?
In NLP psychology, there is a concept of “representational system.” We generally perceive the external world and acquire external information through our senses such aseyes, ears, nose, tongue, and body. These pieces of information are processed through three types of senses (perceptions) and compiled into information that our brains can understand. This is the representational system.
NLP psychology believes that the way each person receives external information can generally be divided into:visual, auditory, and kinesthetic.
Visual: Generally fast-paced, speaks quickly, thinks quickly, and is action-oriented; tends to use phrases like “I see” and “clear,” and is more interested in painting, design, film, etc.
Auditory: Likes to listen, speaks slowly but logically, has slightly less action-oriented nature, and is easily distracted by external sounds; enjoys using phrases like “I hear” and “sound,” and is interested in language, drama, music, etc.
Kinesthetic: Values feelings, speaks the slowest, often pauses, likes to say “I feel” and “I think,” and is interested in sculpture, sports, etc.
In general, visual types see the world, auditory types hear the world, and kinesthetic types feel the world.
So, what can we do specifically?
Psychological studies have found that during the communication process, if our language, tone of voice, body language, and values can reach a relatively synchronized state, we will feel particularly in tune with each other.
Taking the auditory type as an example.
As mentioned earlier, auditory types like to listen, speak slowly but in an orderly manner, have slightly less action-oriented nature, and are easily distracted by external sounds; they like to say “I hear” and “sound.”
At the same time, in terms of body language, they usually lean slightly forward, have their shoulders slightly back, and their heads tilted to the sides, with their eyes often looking horizontally to the sides.
If the other person is an auditory type, we can synchronize in these four aspects:
In addition, we can also try breathing synchronization. For example, human breathing types can be divided into the following three types:
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1. Chest breathing: significant rise and fall of the chest.
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2. Shallow breathing: very shallow breathing.
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3. Diaphragmatic breathing: significant rise and fall of the abdomen, with eyes usually looking down.
Therefore, if you feel a bit awkward in communication, try to discover and observe the expressions, tones, and language of the people around you, analyze their type, and then deliberately interact with them using their “sensory language.”
Slowly, you will find that your interpersonal relationships will improve.
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