An idea, if you take it as “true”, will have an effect on you. Accordingly, NLP proposes the following important 12 presumptive assumptions to break down the walls in your thinking.
1. No Two People Are Alike
The differences between people create a rich and colorful world. Accepting the differences of others will lead them to respect your uniqueness.
Giving others space is a belief in respecting their values and rules, which is necessary for effective communication.
2. One Person Cannot Control Another
Change yourself first, and then you may influence others to change. Identify the values of others, create, increase, or shift what they care about, and they will spontaneously change their behavior.
Positive motivation can provide a reason for someone to do something, but it does not give them the right to control others or make things happen as they wish.
3. Effectiveness Is More Important Than Logic
“Being logical” often focuses on the past, while valuing effectiveness means focusing on the future. Effectiveness is the cornerstone of planning and the guide for action.
Effectiveness is more important than logic, especially in relationships. The two phrases that most influence a relationship between two people are: I am right. I am doing this for your own good. The more these phrases are said, the worse the relationship becomes.
4. We Only Live in a World Shaped by Sensory Experience; The Map Is Not the Territory
Our senses subjectively select information about the objective world.
The information received by our senses is decoded and filtered by our beliefs, values, and rules, which determines its meaning and is thus stored in our minds.
Changing the world in a person’s mind will change their attitude toward things in the world. Changing the structural patterns of subjective experience in the brain will change the impact of things on us and our feelings about things.
5. The Meaning of Communication Lies in the Response of the Other Party
There is no right or wrong in communication, only “effective” or “ineffective”.
Communication is a means, while connection is the goal.
What you say is not important; what others can accept is what matters.
The responsibility of communication lies with the sender of the information, as information may be omitted or distorted during transmission. It is necessary to ensure that the listener responds during communication to confirm that the message received is what the speaker intends to convey.
The method of speaking is controlled by the speaker, but the effect is determined by the listener.
6. Repeating Old Methods Will Only Yield Old Results
Different methods will lead to different results. Any innovative thinking approach will have a greater chance of success than the old ones.
“Methods” are rules aimed at achieving results, and focusing on achieving results means flexibly and continuously adjusting methods.
In NLP, achieving desired results is simple; it consists of four steps: First, know what you really want. Second, believe it is possible. Third, find different methods. Fourth, persist effectively; if ineffective, change the method.
7. There Are Always at Least Three Solutions to Every Problem
More methods lead to more choices, and having choices equates to having power.
Not succeeding now just means that the methods used so far cannot achieve the desired effect. Saying there is no way just means that the currently known methods are not working.
8. Everyone Chooses Actions That Bring Them the Greatest Benefit
Everyone does things to satisfy certain inner needs. Each person’s behavior is the approach they chose that aligns with their best interests in the given environment.
Behind every behavior, there is a positive motive. Understanding and accepting this positive motive makes it easier for a person to change their behavior.
9. Everyone Has Resources to Achieve Success and Happiness
Resources for success and happiness refer to internal resources, not external ones.
Things never impose pressure and trouble on us; emotions and troubles arise from a person’s internal beliefs and values (personal interpretations of the world).
Not believing in one’s own ability, potential, or qualifications is the biggest obstacle to achieving success and happiness.
10. The Most Flexible Part of the System Has the Greatest Impact on the Whole
Flexibility means having more than one choice, and having choices means having power.
Flexibility is a crucial factor in making things faster and more effective, and thus is an important factor in achieving success and happiness in life.
Flexibility is also a manifestation of confidence; the less confident one is, the more rigid their attitude toward a certain model will be. Allowing for different opinions and possibilities is flexibility.
11. There Is No Failure, Only Feedback
“Failure” refers to not achieving the expected effect due to past methods, signaling that one needs to change.
Failure is based on past experiences, and experiences are the stepping stones that help us improve, as experience is the foundation of ability, and ability is the foundation of confidence.
Every “failure” is just one step in the learning process to correct actions.
12. Motivation and Emotions Are Never Wrong, Only Actions Lack Effectiveness
Motivation in the subconscious is always positive.
The subconscious never has harmful motives; it simply misunderstands that certain actions can meet certain needs and is unaware of other possible approaches.
