Have you ever had the experience of feeling like you just can’t connect with someone during a conversation? Or that what you think in your mind comes out completely differently when you try to express it? I often feel this way, as if my expression and understanding are always just a little off.
Once, I participated in a group discussion about future career planning. I had a lot of thoughts in my mind, but when I tried to express them, I found myself speaking in a jumbled way, leaving others confused. At that moment, I felt particularly frustrated, as if I were suffering from an expression disorder.
Later, I encountered the NLP thinking model and realized that the problem lay here. NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, sounds mystical, but its core is to study the relationship between our thoughts, language, and behavior, and then enhance our communication and learning abilities by adjusting these relationships.
Let me give you an example. I have a friend who is very afraid of speaking in public. Every time he goes on stage, he gets so nervous that his mind goes blank, and he stutters while speaking. This is actually a “short circuit” between his thoughts and language. His inner fear and tension affect his thinking, which in turn prevents him from expressing himself normally. According to NLP, we can improve this situation by changing his thinking patterns. For instance, we can have him give himself positive suggestions before going on stage, imagining himself being confident up there. This is using the NLP thinking model to adjust the relationship between thoughts and behaviors.
However, many people have misunderstandings about the NLP thinking model. Some think of it as a kind of spiritual chicken soup with no practical use; others see it as a means of manipulating others. In fact, these are completely wrong. The real value of the NLP thinking model lies in helping us better understand ourselves and others, enhancing our communication and learning effectiveness.
In my own journey of learning the NLP thinking model, I also took many detours. At first, I read many related books, but the more I read, the more confused I became; those theories and concepts felt like a tangled mess. Later, I realized that simply reading was not enough; I needed to combine it with practical cases and exercises.
For example, when learning how to improve memory, I tried a method from NLP, which is to associate the content to be memorized with some interesting images. When memorizing vocabulary, I would imagine each word as a vivid picture. For instance, for the word “elephant,” I would picture a huge elephant dancing in front of me. After doing this, I found that my speed and accuracy in memorizing words improved significantly.
Another time, I had a conflict with a colleague. We had a disagreement on a project plan, and neither of us could convince the other, creating a very tense atmosphere. At that time, I applied the “levels of understanding” model from NLP. I realized that our disagreement stemmed from looking at the problem from different perspectives. He was more concerned about the short-term benefits of the project, while I focused on long-term development. Once I understood this, I actively adjusted my communication style, explaining my thoughts from his perspective while also listening carefully to his opinions. In the end, we found a compromise solution, and the conflict was resolved smoothly.
One important concept in the NLP thinking model is “sensory acuity.” Simply put, it means we need to be good at observing others’ language, expressions, and body movements to better understand their inner thoughts. I remember once attending a gathering where I was chatting with a new friend. Although he verbally expressed interest in a certain topic, I noticed his eyes wandering and his body unconsciously leaning back. I realized he might not be genuinely interested, so I promptly changed the topic. Sure enough, the subsequent conversation flowed much more smoothly.
Throughout the process of learning and applying the NLP thinking model, I have summarized some experiences. Don’t treat it as a universal magic; it requires continuous practice and application to be effective. Keep an open mind and don’t easily dismiss its effectiveness. Finally, combine it with your actual situation and flexibly apply its methods and techniques.
If you also want to enhance your communication and learning abilities, you might want to try the NLP thinking model. Today, you can start with two simple things: first, during your next conversation, pay attention to the other person’s expressions and body language, trying to understand their thoughts from these details; second, choose a habit you want to change or an ability you want to enhance, such as waking up early or reading speed, then use NLP methods to create a simple plan and start taking action. Trust me, as long as you persist, you will definitely gain unexpected rewards.